So yesterday, I am nursing Zoe while sitting on the sofa. I was wearing a nursing tank and when I looked in the mirror that sits across the sofa, I was taken aback as how heavy I've become. I am not saying that I havent felt overweight, sluggish and overall bad but I was kinda stunned at how big I am now. It kind of crept up on me.
So I made a comment, "Wow, I can't believe how big I've gotten!!" to Dan. He nods and his eyes almost popped out of his head with that "I know right?!!" face. He caught himself and says, "You've put on a little weight!" I quickly added that I put on a lot of weight because I am not in denial and held back the tears.
I am upset with him. Does he know that it's so hard to find time to do anything while raising our toddler? I really do try to eat well and control my portions! I have to lay down with Zoe at bedtime to help her fall asleep and it's often after a big dinner meal!! I found myself yelling comebacks to him in my head over and over the whole evening. I felt like perhaps he turned on me.
But who am I really angry at? At an honest answer that only agreed with my own conclusion? I have to be honest with myself and make more of an effort to get back into a good and healthy weight. I hav eto stop letting my husband talk me into eating junk because we don't feel like doing a million dishes before we can whip up a meal!! I am holding myself accountable for the mess I'm in and have recommitted myself to get back to the health horse and practice what I preach!!!
I don't eat fast food, fried food, processed meats or candy BUT I do love my cheese, croissants, bread and beer. I love eating healthy food. I enjoy the taste and I do really feel great afterwards. I have a pation garden going, will be receiving organic produce next month from our CSA farm and plan on hitting the farmers markets often. I know that once I start seeing results, I'll be encouraged to continue. So here's to making positive changes in life!!!!
Day 1, started the day off with an organic steel cut oatmeal with dried cherries, blueberries, and cranberries.
I am going to take a power walk later and do some toning tonight while making a healthy dinner for Zoe and I and maybe I'll talk to my husband again :)